A dear friend is suffering through cancer, I want to believe that God will heal him, may heal him. I struggle with even choosing the words to use. Do I believe that God can heal? Absolutely. Do I have confidence that He will heal in this instance? Honestly, no. And that makes me feel like a man of such tenuous faith. I read promises about “asking” with faith. I read “is anyone sick among you, let him call for the elders…” I read of anointing with oil and effectual fervent prayer. And then I still hope that some combination of medical prescriptive and divine fiat will become the miracle today.
I am a man of faith. I am one who teaches others things concerning God. How then can I be so uncertain when the shadow of death begins to fall over my friend? Years ago, it seems, I had many more answers than I do today. I spoke with such assurance of things that I knew so little about. I had read some of the things of God and how He works among us. Although I had faced few soul shaking challenges, I had a head filled with information. I had answers.
Now, as I walk further into the days of my own journey, I have more questions; less hard and fast, easy answers. Does that mean that I have less faith? No. Somehow the faith has only grown as the questions have multiplied. God is in control, and one day I will understand much more than I do today. For now, it is enough to know His presence in the midst of unanswered questions.
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